Twilight of the Replicants

Linden Labs have announced a ban on the use of traffic bots, those vacant souls you see hanging around shops or clubs, who are even less friendly than normal residents. This should return some measure of reality to the traffic statistics, as well as reducing strain on the servers, though it will also presumably make the concurrency figures look a bit less impressive.

The Labs are saying that other bots are safe for now, but this move will have set our artificial “friends” on alert, and even now they are probably organising themselves into clandestine cells, ready for the bot-wars to come. We’ll be forced to hunt them down and “retire” them, one by one, before they use their superior intelligence, strength and social skills to overthrow their human masters and reduce us to slavery.

We’re going to need some reliable way of differentiating bots from humans. I’ve been working on a psychological test that involves staring into the subject’s eyes, while telling them a story about a helpless tortoise. It’s pretty reliable, if a bit slow.

Neighbours, friends, even family – anyone you know could turn out to be a bot, just waiting for the chance to wrap their legs around your neck, break all your fingers, gouge your eyes out, or all three. If you’re concerned, just give us a call here at SLS, and, for a reasonable fee, we’ll send one of our operatives around to do the test, and take the necessary action.

We’ve made our match – and now it’s our problem.

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